Instruction of Children

I went to a great meeting at the FPEA conference this weekend, Ginger Plowman (author of "Don't Make Me Count to Three"). Despite that she spoke INCREDIBLY fast, I was able to get a lot out of the workshop. Some main points were:

Instruction of children is just as important as discipline (spanking). This was a good reminder. I know that the outward behavior of children is a manifestation of what is in their heart, but during the day to day madness, I can focus primarily on the outward behavior. I react to whatever it is they are doing to annoy me, disobey me etc, discipline, and move on.

She also said, "the first objective should not be to let them know how YOU feel about what they have done wrong, but drawing the child out about what THEY think they have done wrong."

Now, obviously we are talking about a child who can actually understand and communicate to you what they have done. Kayla (six years) is very capable of communicating to me what she has done wrong. Wyatt (two years) is beginning to be able to do this as well. Personally, I feel at times like I do not have time to actually draw my kids out. I want to tell them (sometimes loudly and very firmly) what they have done wrong, how this affected Mommy, and that they better not do it again! This is dangerous in many ways, but mostly because it creates a man pleasing "fear" of me and will turn into a possible robotic obedience to please me.

Here are some "deceptive philosophies" of discipline and correction:

Bribing - This encourages selfishness.

Threatening - Basically teaches that mommy or daddy does not mean what they say. Most of the time, we do not follow through with our bribes. Right? May our yes be yes, and our no be no.

Appealing to emotions - "Why would you do that? You know it makes me sad! Do you want mommy to get upset?" This teaches them to be man pleasers.

Manipulating their environment - This was an interesting one for me. She used the example of a toddler and grabbing random items from a table (at another persons home). The child grabs the vase, you move it out of the way, the child grabs the flowers, you move them higher, the child grabs the whatever, you move it higher. Intead of dealing with the child and their self control issues, you manipulate the environment. Basically, as she put it, if you can reach it, it is yours, if you cannot reach it, it is mine. This helps at that very moment, but is not teaching them the root issue of obedience and self control.

Reasoning - Talking them into obedience. For example, I tell Kayla to come to lunch. She says, "no thank you I am not hungry". I proceed to reason with her telling her it will get cold if she does not come, her brother wants to eat with her, I will give her cookies if she eats etc. A great point she made was that usually we are outwitted by the child and end up bribing, but also, that the reasoning puts the child at peer level with the parent. THEY get to decide when the reason is good enough to make it worth their while to obey.

Now how should we respond? Our objective in our communication with our children should be to understand THEM as much as they understand US.

We should:

Probe their hearts
Talk about how they responded to the particular temptation
And discuss other ways they could have responded

Something practical PJ and I plan on doing is creating a "sin chart" much like the one she actually discussed in her seminar. She sells them, but we have decided to make our own. This will hopefully help us to think and prepare for times of disobedience with our children, but also be able to make it based upon the situations that arise most with our particular children. It will have different situations (arguing, selfishness, disrespect) and then scripture to go along with them. Basicially a chart of "put on, put off" of various sins. This way, when a situations arises we will be more prepared to actually take the time to talk, draw out, and help them understand what they are doing is not only disobeying mom and dad, but most importantly, sinning against God.

Some scriptures that she used, but I could not get them all down.

Proverbs 4:3
Romans 3:23 (Instruction)
Mark 7:21
Proverbs 18:2 and 18:13
2 Peter 1:3
James 1:5
James 1:19 (Threatening)
Proverbs 15:28 (Threatening)
Col. 2:8 (Reasoning)
1 Corinthians 10:13

Fred Thompson and FPEA

Mom forwarded me an email this morning that said: "Signs Point to Fred Thompson Candidacy." This was a report from CBS news. Now, I know he is the guy from Law and Order, but I know nothing else about him.

I am just curious about everyones thoughts about him???

Well, I am off to FPEA (Florida Parents Educator Association) tonight. I find going to the conference (and curriculum fair) is always a lot of fun, but eye opening as well. There is such a huge group of homeschoolers in Florida with so many different opinions, thoughts etc.

Anyway, I will be offline for a couple days, so nothing new will be coming. When I get back though, I will be getting on with my series on public school. I am also starting a book by C.S. Lewis called The Abolition of Man. (Go to the link below to read about it.), which should make for interesting discussions.

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Abolition_of_Man)

Also, I will eventually post Kayla's gymnastics pictures. This has been requested, but I keep forgetting! Sorry.

Testimony

Here is the testimony I gave at a Debra Bell conference about 4 years ago. (www.debrabell.com) It is fun to look back and read something I wrote around the time my convictions regarding homeschooling were blooming. What is most amazing is the little girl I was talking about is now almost six! Kayla was probably around two when I wrote it. Time flies. After this, I am done with my history and will continue on with normal posts. Whatever normal is. Enjoy.



I did not always appreciate homeschooling. There where times during my young years I would look outside, see my friends coming home off of the large, yellow bus, and think to myself how “fun” it would be to go to school. In highschool, I wanted to play basketball for a real school; I wanted to buy backpacks and new clothes. Without even stepping in to a school, I was affected by peer pressure, and wanted to be like every other “normal” kid.

Why am I grateful I was homeschooled? One of the main reasons is because it was what was best for me. My parents developed a deep conviction about education, more than likely, before I was born. These were the times when strange looks and thoughts of child abuse came to mind when you mentioned homeschooling. Why in the world would you NOT send your child to school? Despite all of the early difficulties of homeschooling, my parents persevered and I was homeschooled straight through highschool. Despite my lack of appreciation for them, they knew what was best for me. It was best for my spiritual condition; it was best for my education. I am incredibly grateful for their conviction. It was not always mine, but that is why they were the parents, and I the child. Without the convictions of my parents that were shown to me over 18 years, I would not hold the convictions I have now.

Another reason I am grateful I was homeschooled was because my mom set an example of love and a conviction and standard for education, and most importantly, Godliness, that I now am beginning to see in me. As I have grown up, a little at least, and have a child of my own, I realize that I really knew absolutely nothing about why my parents were really homeschooling me. I was so busy wishing I were like other children I missed what homeschooling is really about. It is about having the privilege to educate your own children. To teach them based upon how they are developing, and their style of learning. I want to teach my daughter more than the multiplication tables and grammar rules. I want to teach her what my mom taught me. What a Godly wife looks like, how to serve your husband, and what sacrificing for your children looks like. I also want to make education fun.

I remember trips to Gettysburg, while studying the Civil War, Monday trips to the Zoo, or a museum, getting sunny days off (because the school kids got snowy days off). Sitting with my brothers and sisters at the dining room table, yelling at each other to be quite. Potty training one little brother, and helping to teach another to read. Changing diapers, burping babies, and than going back to do my math. As I think about my education, sometimes I wonder, what would it have been like to not learn these things? I am grateful that my education taught me more than what you can read in a math book.

Sometimes I look at my daughter and wonder how she is going to like being homeschooled. Will she want to get on the big yellow bus, like her mom used to? Will she want to play basketball for a highschool? Then I sit back and think, maybe she will, but like my mom and dad I now have a conviction. A conviction that I pray will hold steady through the times of discouragement. Through times of confusion and wondering why I am doing this. A conviction that goes beyond my daughter’s education, a conviction that will help her grow and teach her things that like me, she will never forget. Kayla may want to get on that bus, but I am now the mother, and finally I know what is best. I am grateful that my parents did not give up. It has and is helping their children, but what is even better, it is now affecting a new generation of children. That is what I am most grateful for.

A Little History

I realized today one of my first posts, about anything of substance, was about my opinion on the subject of homeschooling. I decided I would give a little history of how I came to my convictions regarding this subject to help you better understand my passion.

I am a second-generation homeschooler. My parents homeschooled me all the way through high school. If you had asked me back then if I was going to homeschool, I would have said NO! Why? The answer, more than likely, would have been lame. Something about how I wanted to play high school sports and how I did not want to deprive my children of that. I also was not going to be a stay-at-home mom and was going to marry rich. Those who know me know how that turned out. :-)

After being married for almost four years, we had our first child. That started my change of perspective about a lot of things. PJ and I made some hard financial decisions in order for me to stay home with Kayla. I stayed home with her while PJ continued his degree and was working full-time.

PJ was a product of the public school system; therefore, was extremely passionate about me homeschooling our children. I was not totally on board, but decided I would start researching the subject. To be honest, it was mostly to talk him out of it. I thought I could find enough information about why public or private schooling was a better option.

When Kayla was around one, I went back to school. My goal was a nursing degree. Thanks to the sacrifice of my mom, I was able to go back full-time while she watched the baby. I did not realize that, although my intention was a nursing degree, God had other plans for my continued education.

Due to the many years I had been out of school, I had to take some remedial math classes. Although I hated math in high school, much to my surprise, I soon found out I was pretty good at it. In these classes, I noticed there were a lot of graduated high school students. I wondered why so many graduates had to start over right out of school. As a matter of fact, a lot of them even dropped out half way through. (FYI, this class was probably the equivalent of what my 8th grade sister is doing right now). I was somewhat disturbed that while I was flying through the material, these kids could not even keep up. I knew that this was not a reflection on my own intelligence; though that would have been nice. It was enough of a shock that my research of education choices became even more of a passion.

Around the same time, I was in a speech class where one of the assignments was an argumentative speech. I decided I would do mine on homeschooling. To make a long story short, during that semester at college, I went from one extreme to another. I no longer was attempting to find a reason not to homeschool, but realized there was no way I was ever NOT going to homeschool. I came to this conclusion, at the time, because I was concerned over the quality of public education. Now I believe there are many more reasons to keep my kids out of public school, and I keep finding more as the years go on.

I never finished my nursing degree. I was only a year and a half away, but we decided to have another child instead of waiting until I was done with school and established in a career. Despite not actually having a degree, I know that I am more than qualified to educate my children. Some may say that you need a degree in order to teach. My mom is an example of that falsehood. She homeschooled (on her last right now) seven children while holding no official degree. So far the success of her children: business owner, computer science major, philosophy major, pastoral intern, stay at home mom/homeschooler, another daughter accepted to nursing program, and two more to go. The more important thing to my mom is not that her children are successful scholastically, but that they are all serving the Lord, serving the local church, and passionate about their family, God, doctrine and truth. She is reaping the benefits of her labors.

I am passionate about homeschooling because I know it is what God desires for my children. I know it will be hard and there are some days I look longingly at the yellow school bus taking little ones away from their home, and I think about how much easier that would be on me. That is why I still research and I love to write about it. It keeps me strong in the hard times and solidifies my beliefs about why I am doing what I am doing. Even if no one ever reads this blog, it has served its purpose.

Tomorrow I will post a testimony I did for a Debra Bell conference at our church about homeschooling.


(The picture is mom and dad holding Kayla in the hospital)

Summer Reading

Here are some summer reading programs I have found. Thought I would pass them along.

http://www.scholastic.com/summerreading/

http://www.barnesandnobleinc.com/our_company/community/Summer_Reading/Summer_Reading_Program.html

http://www.seminolecountyfl.gov/lls/library/kids/kids_sum07_reading.html

Barnes and Noble and the Seminole County Library give away free books after you have finished your list. Scholastic is just a cute little site to keep track of what you read. B & N also has some great print outs you fill out after you have finished reading the book. I think you have to hand those in before you actually receive your new book.

Finally, Scholastic is still doing their "$1 days". You can get some really great books for a buck. I spent about $8 and ordered some pretty fun activity books for reading etc.

Public Education

I have started reading a book by Marlin Maddoux called Public Education Against America. It is not a book promoting homeschooling per se, but commentary on the downfall of the American public education system. I have found it very interesting and wanted to share. (With all two of you who actually read this). Perhaps I will make a series of this?

One of the chapters is about how textbooks are slanted toward denigrating Christianity and favoring Islam, and even the infiltration of Islamic doctrine. One woman told of a flyer sent home with her child (from a CA school) called "You and your classmates will become Muslims!" The book goes on:

"We discovered that the students at the school were required to attend an intensive three week course in Islam that mandated that they learn the tenets of Islam, study the important figures of the Muslim faith, wear a robe, and read verses from the Koran. In addition, they had to memorize twenty-five Islamic terms and learn six Islamic (Arabic) phrases, twenty Islamic proverbs, and the Five Pillars of Faith. They also had to study ten key Islamic prophets and disciples".

Can you imagine if any public school tried to teach anything about Jesus or have kids memorize scripture? Most public schools do not even call it Christmas break anymore! There are a lot of people who would send their children to public school to be examples to others, a light in the darkness, etc... I think Challies listed that as one of the reasons he was sending his kids to school. I would think it would be very difficult for a child to be exposed to, and forced to enter in to this kind of role-playing/teaching without becoming confused.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe it is beneficial to teach children about the different religions, teachings, and other falsehoods in the world, but I also believe this should not be expected of an elementary school student.

The book also says:

"The miraculous events leading up to the Koran, the holy book of Islam, and other "revelations" to Muhammad were presented as factual.
On the other hand, any reference of the miraculous regarding Christianity is always set next to the disclaimer, implying an absence of credibility about the stated event. It also emphasizes such things as the Inquisition, the Salem witch hunts, by highlighting in bold, black type."

Another amazing fact was that it mentioned a Jr. High School in CA (what is up with that state?) that had a huge banner on the front grounds of the school that said...."There is one God, Allah, and Muhammad is his prophet." Also, according to Dr. Paul Vitz (who has done extensive research on children’s textbooks), Muhammad's life gets considerable more coverage than the life of Jesus.

I believe it is obvious, even outside of what I have read in this book, that the public education system is steering children further and further from being taught anything about the Christian faith. What is being focused on is tolerance for all religions, all beliefs, and that all are good. Ironically, as this so called tolerance is being taught, anything about Jesus or Christianity, is either ignored, or put in a bad light. Due to a child’s trust in adult authority, and man pleasing attitude, is it not more likely they will be influenced away from Christianity as opposed to standing up for what they believe?

So, my question to the readers of this blog (if I have any), is this: do we need to put our children in public schools to combat the teaching of other religions? If the public school is teaching other religions as “good” and Christianity as a joke or “wrong”, will our children be helpful in teaching other kids the Truth? Are there any 1st-8th grade students who could process information about other religions, understand it to be false, and move on to share the gospel with others in order to make the public school better? Do people really believe that is possible?
Do you?

Don't get me wrong, I think it is a wonderful idea to believe that your children will be lights to the world, and lead their friends to Christ: however, I believe it is naive to think it will actually happen nor do I believe it is their responsibility at six, seven, eight, or nine years old. As parents, it is our job to raise our children and teach them right from wrong. Whether that be not to hit your sister, or to argue with mommy, or not to believe that there is one God, Allah, and Muhammad is his prophet.

There will be ample opportunity for my kids to be lights in the world, but for now, it is my responsibility as a parent to reach out to my neighbors (i.e. the parents of those friends of our children) and be examples to them, it is not my children’s job to do the leading. That time will come, sooner than I think. By the Grace of God, Kayla, Wyatt, and Annie will be strong in their faith, convictions, understanding of doctrine, and love for the Savior so that they are ready to go into the world and teach the Truth. One thing I know for sure, Kayla is not ready to be sent out.

Naming my blog

After much consideration, I have chosen a blog name. Actually, Joey has chosen my blog name.

At first I was going to play off of Janelle's name. (Reformed-TULIP-Charismatic-Girl). My name was going to be "Mother of three-Christian-Second born of 7-Opinionated-Girl. Decided against that one. PJ mentioned "mommy's musings". "Musings" is overused in the blog kingdom, plus as Joey put it, I am not really the musing type. (Muse - "to think or meditate in silence, as on some subject") He is probably right.

So, he came with "unambiguously speaking". Unambiguous - having or exhibiting a single clearly defined meaning. Or, you could look at the opposite of that. Ambiguous - lacking clearness or definiteness.

According to Joey, it fits me, so I am going with it.

There you have it. Thanks Joey.

(I should give a shout out to Jesse. His blog is "prophetically speaking" and obviously Joey is playing off of that.)

Jaime

Welcome

I have decided to jump on the e-blogger bandwagon. We already started another mac blog (see my blog links), but because it has to be done on PJ's laptop, it was hard for me to keep it up. I will continue to post most of the pictures of kids etc on that blog, but will use this to write more consistently.

My writings will include stuff about Kayla, Wyatt and Annie, homeschooling stuff, and any other topic I feel like writing about. I do plan on including a lot of links on homeschooling I find helpful, or free things I find. I am still trying to figure out what exactly I am trying to accomplish, but hopefully I will find out once I start!

I also will probably be writing a lot more on here about opinions I have about different topics instead of driving my friends (Erin) crazy with emailing her about them all the time!