I have been thinking recently how next year we will officially be a family of six. It is amazing that already people consider our family large. I cannot go anywhere without somebody giving me a look of sympathy and telling me "wow, you have your hands full". I find it funny most of the time. I think about what people must have though of my mom when she was walking through the store with six little ones in tow.
I wonder what people will think when I have two in a stroller, one walking with me, and a pregnant belly. Most will think we do not know how to use birth control. Although, perhaps that is true!, I would love to just leave out the part about the "accident". I would love to see the looks on their faces when I say how excited we are to have four children. That we would have it no other way. I think being happy about having four children in six years would be pretty shocking to most.
According to the Census Bureau figures, since 1970 the percentage of households containing five or more people has fallen by half. And it keeps shrinking. I am not here to say we must all have at least four children. What I am curious about is why it is so bizarre to have more than 1 or 2 kids, as if there was something irresponsible about it.
I was talking to a lady at church on Sunday about my pregnancy. She has 7, I think. She was saying that more people will ask you bizarre questions. One person asked her if she thought she had to many children. She answered back, well which one of these children you see do you think I should not have had?
I would LOVE to hear from people on this. There are so many different reasons for family sizes. I think it would be very interesting to hear how many kids you have (if any), if you are done, if you do not have children how many do you want, why?
I would really love for this NOT to be a debate about how many children are to many, not enough etc. I would just love to hear the perspective or opinion from others. I have noticed that "large" families in today's society are taboo, so assuming believers are the only ones reading this blog, are they becoming taboo even for us?
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Great questions. As the mom of 7 who was told I was medically unable to have children, I have to say that I think some of the cultural bias against large families is simple ignorance. I don't think people meant to chide me about having "so many children" when I was walking around the grocery store with 3 carts: 2 for kids and 1 for groceries. I think they were just genuinely surprised. Perhaps they had never read that "children are a gift from God" and "the fruit of the womb is a reward" or "He makes the barren woman live in her home as the joyful mother of children."
My generation was the one who started calling children "rug rats" or are "better seen and not heard." How utterly sad. Surely God is grieved by such demeaning attitudes about something He sees as a gift.
While I certainly don't think that everyone has to have 5 or 6 or 7 children, I do think the humble and conscientious Christian has to ask ourselves about this and everything: what is my motive? What is my motive for making this purchase? Wanting to get to know that person? Having this many children...or limiting our family to this many children? What is motivating these decisions and fueling these choices?
As always, it's all about what is in my heart. Gratefully, God healed my infertile body and gave me more children than Benny and I ever planned! Then He blessed us with the surprise of an adopted baby girl to finish off our family. Has it been hard? Were there times when I thought I just couldn't handle another little one? Did I sometimes feel overwhelmed and stretched to the max? Oh yeah...
Then I get a call from Jaime needing help with embracing her own surprise pregnancy with faith. Granma gets to anticipate welcoming Herron number 4 into my heart and world. I leave the restaurant where we chatted and prayed together and think, "Oh, Lord, it was all worth it." It's now MY "little girl" who is wrestling and wondering and crying out to God for help to embrace the joys of motherhood with faith in the One who is the giver of life.
The same One who helped me will help you, Jaime. He IS helping you! Watching you allow the Spirit of God to envision and empower you to raise your little ones for His glory makes any sacrifices I made seem so puny.
I love you!
Hmm...interesting questions. I think because the generations are getting more and more consumed with "things" and "money" children are seen as ones who take away from this. They take nicer things from you because they cost money. I've actually heard people say this before, and it is truly grieving. Personally, I want at least 5 kids, but would love to have 7 or 8, several of those adopted. I think until people my age start seeing the joy of having children, the population will continue to decline, as well as the family.
Jamie, I so enjoy reading your blog! I was reminded of my own "surprise" pregnancy with our third and how I reacted sinfully. I cried and didn't want to have an 18 month old and a newborn. After a few months I got excited about having another baby and when she was born I was delighted to have a daughter after two sons. But sadly, I made the choice that I was not having anymore children. I did not ask God what I should do but took control and had a tubal done the day after my daughter was born. I was only 25. I never regretted that decision until years later. I was personally convicted that I did not trust God with how many children I would have but was self suffient in my decision to not have anymore without even consulting God! Like I knew better than him! I have to say that my little "surprise" has been a wonderful means of santification in my life. I cherish her and thank God for her. She is indeed a precious gift and I love having a daughter to train up and teach her what it means to be a biblical woman. I pray that when she grows up and God is blessing her with the gift of motherhood that she will have a totally different perspective than I did on what that means. God is so good, wise and faithful and lavishes us with such wonderful kindness and blessings. I admire you Jamie for your trust in your Savior and how you are embracing motherhood with a godly perspective. You are a wonderful example to so many.
Jamie, I know I don't know you very well, but congrats on baby # 4! Who knows what God has in store for this new little one's life - how exciting! Thank the Lord that there are no "accidents" in His plans!
Most of what I've observed or heard is that the world seems to be quickly becoming more and more selfishly interested in themselves and their things and possessions and ease and comfort of life rather than little children or family. So sad!
I'm the oldest of 5 kids and I'm 14 years older than my youngest brother and I loved growing up in a large, crazy family like that! I wouldn't have changed a thing and I hope to be able to have a similar family. I'd love to have 4 children close together - I think... :) and then someday adopt one or two. But I don't know what the Lord has in store, and I'm open to whatever that may be... :)
I'll be praying for much grace, strength and physical endurance for your during this pregnancy as well as increasing joy as you anticipate this new little baby's coming into your family!
~ Mandy Reel
what makes you think I want to have kids? No j/k I think it's sweet that you have so quickly especially when Doc and Wyatt are getting into trouble together. It's gonna be sweet.
We only have three (4, 2, and 1) and it amazes me the stupid things people say. We have a tight budget, someone actually told me if I had less kids we'd have more money. I'd like to stop at least until I'm done with Grad School then we'll pop em out like they're movie tickets or until my wife says "enough."
Did you hear about the Mother in Arkansas that just gave birth to #17? Her oldest is 19 and the youngest before this newborn is almost 2! There are 7 girls and 10 boys, and Mommy and Daddy say they would LOVE to have more! I was thrilled to see that FOX News put such a positive spin on this - well, actually, they truly just reported the facts without the negative spin that most news agencies include.
Congratulations, Jaime!!! When I told Tom (which was the same day you found out) he said, "that's why PJ has that glazed look on his face!" We're so excited for you both!!!
I have always wanted 5 children but I think we may have just one more and stop at 4. If we have our way I would like to start trying next September...but who knows...God's timing may be different from ours...but right now I feel like my hands are full!!! We'll see :)
Erin, your hands ARE full. You have a busy and full life as the mom of three young children. And the Lord is pleased with your heart to train and nurture them in godliness. The fact that you desire to have another child to love and disciple is an evidence of God's grace in your life. Your children are very blessed to have you as their mom!
Dear Jamie,
My friend Brandi told me about your blog and sent me the link. My family and I are part of Crossway Community Church in Niceville, FL, where she and John serve faithfully.
My husband and I have four special blessings from God, ages 7, 5, 3 and almost two. Their age spans are 18 months, 28 months and then 17 months. I have also had three miscarriages in a year and a half, seven months apart--the last one happening last week.
I have, like you, been the recipient of both rude and encouraging comments concerning my family's size. Complete strangers have insisted that I must be finished, especially since I have two boys and two girls, in that order. When I was newly pregant with my fourth, a man came up to me and said that since I had both kinds, I didn't need anymore--since there were not any other kinds to have. But then others have said what a lovely family I have, and I always say, "THANK YOU!" to those people.
Our journey of being willing to accept any and all blessings from God has been a gradual one. When we just had the two boys my husband wanted to stop, but God changed his heart. He was going to have surgery after number 4, but God changed his heart again and now he wants 7 (or however many God gives us). We both want to adopt as well.
When our fourth was 7 months old, I became pregnant. My attitude was, "Why, God? I just want a break!" I am thankful that God worked in my heart and made me willing to receive whatever blessings He wanted to give me, because at three months I lost the baby. We were told to wait 6 months before "trying again". At 7 months, we decided it was time to try, and we got pregnant right away, but lost the baby at 5 weeks. Another 7 months later we went forward in faith and tried again, got pregnant and lost the baby at 4 weeks.
This whole process has taught me that I cannot take my fertility for granted. God has revealed an attitude of pride in my heart regarding my health and my ability to be a mother. God is sovereign over my womb, and I am not.
I know that He is not holding my previous sinful attitude over my head, and I know I am not being punished--but I am seeking to learn the lessons God has for me in this season. I will NEVER complain about having another baby, AGAIN. My children have become so much more precious to me through this season, and I am so grateful for the absolute miracle of their births into our family. I cannot imagine life without any one of them.
My "break" is a burden I wish I didn't have to bear--I long to hold a new baby in my arms. At the same time, I am seeking to be content and thankful for the blessings God has given me, and not covet the blessings of others.
I do not believe that all families are meant to have a prescribed number of children. God wants us to trust and obey Him, and as we seek Him He makes it clear what He wants us to do for OUR FAMILY. And I also know that being willing to have whomever the Lord gives does not necessarily mean that we will have a child every year for all our childbearing years. God is in control! We are to have the humble, trusting attitude God requires--we should even desire His blessings. But we cannot assume what God is going to do, or demand His blessings.
Children ARE a blessing. The more I have, the more I want. God has done that work, so at times I do not understand why I have to go through this season. But God has a purpose in it, and I praise Him for His wisdom.
In His Grace,
Cassie Tynan
http://tynanfamily.wordpress.com
One more random thought on this...I was thinking the other day how interesting it is that families are getting smaller and smaller but the houses we live in just keep getting bigger and bigger.....
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